Inviting the President to your Wedding

You may or may not have known that you can actually invite the President to your wedding nuptials. If you send the Obamas a wedding invitation, you will receive a lovely note of congratulations in return! Wedding invitations may be mailed to the following address:

The Honorable Barack and Mrs. Obama
The White House
Greetings Office, Room 39
1600 Pennsylvania Avenue
Washington, D.C. 20500

Be sure to include your married names and new address when mailing the invitation. Also, you must be United States citizens. Allow 6 weeks to receive your response.

Formal Table Setting Guide :: Emily Post

Most brides will never even have to worry with setting a formal place setting at their reception; however, I wanted to share this table setting guide from The Emily Post Institute in the event that you and your husband-to-be plan to use that new china you registered for and entertain guests after the wedding. Therefore, if you're unsure on how to set a formal place setting, now you'll know! :)

"The one rule for a formal table is for everything to be geometrically spaced: the centerpiece at the exact center; the place settings at equal distances; and the utensils balanced. Beyond these placements, you can vary flower arrangements and decorations as you like.

The placement of utensils is guided by the menu, the idea being that you use utensils in an “outside in” order. For the illustrated place setting here, the order of the menu is:

Appetizer: Shellfish
First Course: Soup or fruit
Fish Course
Entrée
Salad

A. Service Plate: This large plate, also called a charger, serves as an underplate for the plate holding the first course, which will be brought to the table. When the first course is cleared, the service plate remains until the plate holding the entrée is served, at which point the two plates are exchanged. The charger may serve as the underplate for several courses which precede the entrée.

B. Butter plate: The small butter plate is placed above the forks at the left of the place setting.

C. Dinner fork: The largest of the forks, also called the place fork, it is placed on the left of the plate. Other smaller forks for other courses are arranged to the left or right of the dinner fork, according to when they will be used.

D. Fish fork: If there is a fish course, this small fork is placed farthest to the left of the dinner fork because it is the first fork used.

E. Salad fork: If salad is served after the entrée, the small salad fork is placed to the right of the dinner fork, next to the plate. If the salad is to be served first, and fish second, then the forks would be arranged (left to right): salad fork, fish fork, dinner fork.

F. Dinner knife: The large dinner knife is placed to the right of the dinner plate.

G. Fish knife: The specially shaped fish knife goes to the right of the dinner knife.

H. Salad knife: (Note: there is no salad knife in the illustration.) If used, according to the above menu, it would be placed to the left of the dinner knife, next to the dinner plate. If the salad is to be served first, and fish second, then the knives would be arranged (left to right):dinner knife, fish knife, salad knife.

I. Soup spoon or fruit spoon: If soup or fruit is served as a first course, then the accompanying spoon goes to the right of the knives.

J. Oyster fork: If shellfish are to be served, the oyster fork is set to the right of the spoons. Note: It is the only fork ever placed on the right of the plate.

K. Butter knife: This small spreader is paced diagonally on top of the butter plate, handle on the right and blade down.

L. Glasses: These can number up to five and are placed so that the smaller ones are in front. The water goblet (la) is placed directly above the knives. Just to the right goes a champagne flute (lb); In front of these are placed a red (lc) and/or white (ld) wine glass and a sherry glass (le)

M. Napkin: The napkin is placed on top of the charger (if one is used) or in the space for the plate.

In general:

Knife blades are always placed with the cutting edge toward the plate.

No more than three of any implement is ever placed on the table, except when an oyster fork is used in addition to three other forks. If more than three courses are served before dessert, then the utensil for the fourth course is brought in with the food; likewise the salad fork and knife may be brought in when the salad course is served.

Dessert spoons and forks are brought in on the dessert plate just before dessert is served."

Content and photo courtesy of The Emily Post Institute.

Honoring your Family Ancestry

There are a number of ways you can honor your family ancestry or deceased loved ones, but one of my favorite ways to do this is to carry a family heirloom with your bouquet. Pictured above is a bride who carried her grandmother's rosary to honor her Roman Catholic heritage. I've also seen brides carry a small Bible down the aisle, as well as an antique brooch pined to their bouquet wrap. Carrying a family heirloom with your bouquet is the perfect sentimental touch to a wedding ceremony!

Photo courtesy of In Style Weddings.

New Series: Ask the Planner

I frequently get asked wedding related questions by our blog readers from all over the U.S. and thought I would feature their questions in a new blog series, "Ask the Planner". Not everyone is lucky enough to have a planner and often times when brides without a planner have a question, they turn to wedding related blogs for answers. I've seen a variety of "Ask the Planner" blog series and think that they are really beneficial, so I wanted to start one for the Pittsburgh area.

Here is our first question from a reader in Massachusetts:

Question: "Should I outfit my bridesmaids in the exact same style of dress?"

Answer: It's completely up to you! Do you absolutely have to?! No way! The beauty of weddings today, is that the days of "cookie cutter" weddings are long gone! In fact, a growing trend in the wedding industry is to actually dress your bridesmaids in different styles. Your bridesmaids and you may all be BFF, but that doesn't mean that you all have the same style when it comes to fashion. Every bridesmaid is different, and what may look good on one bridesmaid, may not look good on another. I like the idea of the bride selecting a color palette and then letting each bridesmaid choose their own style of dress from a particular store. Allowing your bridesmaids to choose their style of dress will ensure that each bridesmaid is comfortable and happy on your wedding day!

Photo courtesy of The Knot.

The Infamous "M"

When I was going through guest RSVP's for my own wedding this past summer, I noticed that several of my guests didn't fill out their response cards correctly. I didn't think much of it then, but then this past week had another person ask me what that "little M" on her response card was for. Therefore, I thought I would blog about it to clear up some of the confusion. The "M" line on a response card is simply meant for guests to fill in their names starting with Mr., Ms., or Mrs. Unfortunately, there is no great mystery behind it other than that! So...if you didn't know before, now you do! :)

Response card pictured above from Wedding Paper Divas.

Gift Registry Etiquette

Today I want to talk a little about gift registries and the proper etiquette that comes along with letting guests know where you're registered at. One of my brides recently registered for her wedding gifts and was given very large stacks of registry announcement cards by both places her and her fiance registered at. She then asked me if it was ok that she mail these along with her wedding invitations...my response was absolutely not! I felt the need to blog about these announcement cards because it seems that not many people know that sending these out to guests in invitations is simply not proper wedding etiquette. Now, before I continue, let me just say that I am all for throwing out the traditional age-old rules of the 'do's and don'ts' of weddings; however, this is one that I wont budge on. It's hard to spread the word about this topic because the stores where couples go to register for gifts push these cards on the brides and tell them that it's acceptable to include them in their invitation envelope. However, if you stop to think about it you can clearly see the reason why they push these cards so much...simply put, it's a marketing strategy for them that gets people to shop in their store thus putting more money in their pocket.

There are numerous other ways to spread the word about your registry selection...your wedding website is an excellent way to let guests know where you are registered. If your guests aren't all technologically savvy there's no need to worry...news will spread regarding where you are registered...guests will ask parents and members of your bridal party and will then spread the word on to other guests.

Bottom line is this...guests don't want to be told where to buy your gift. Some guests may already have something in mind for you and others may just want to give you a cash gift. If guests want to know where you are registered, they will ask!

Invitation Etiquette Help

Need help with the wording of your invitations or have a question on how to address your envelopes? Check out Verse It for everything from wedding invitation wording to the proper invitation etiquette. This is a great guide and reference point for all brides!

Guest Etiquette

As I was browsing through the morning news on Yahoo! I came across this wonderful article on guest etiquette and wanted to share it with our readers. We typically tailor this blog to brides-to-be; however, this is a must-read article if you are attending weddings this summer!

"10 Things to Never Do at a Wedding"
Thurs, July 17th 'Foxy Festivities' by Elycia Rubin & Rita Mauceri

The day two people exchange vows may not be your special day, but it's someone's special day, so be on your best behavior -- all the way from the I -do's to the obligatory Gloria Gaynor dance marathon...

Don't Be Fashionably Late As the song says, get to the church on time! Allow enough time to get to there 15 minutes early or more no matter what weather, traffic, or other acts of divine intervention pop up. Print out directions to both the ceremony and the reception (if it's at a different location). Many a wedding has been hampered by guests who got lost and showed up an hour late.

Don't Produce Sound Effects While at a wedding and reception, turn off your Blackberries and cell phones, put them on vibrate, or better yet, don't even take them!

Don't Talk Trash It may sound obvious, but it happens all the time. No matter how big or how loud a wedding is, things get overheard. So, be on your best and most polite behavior. No gossip about any of the other guests. No complaining out loud about anything -- whether it's the food or the long line at the ladies' room. And no comparisons to other weddings! As far as the bride and groom are concerned, this is a perfect day, and so it should be!

Don't Come Bearing Gifts Whether you're planning on gifting the happy couple a Cuisinart or cold hard cash, do them a huge favor and don't bring it on the wedding day. If you do, they have to keep track of it and haul it home at the end of the night. Send the gift ahead of time, or after the actual ceremony -- at a time when they can really relax and enjoy it.

Don't Dress Down Whatever you choose to wear, make the effort to look your best for the bride and groom. They'll appreciate that you got dolled or duded up for the occasion. If the invitation doesn't specify dress code, put in a friendly email or call to the bride, groom, their parents, or attendants to get more info. Black Tie means you've got to dust off that long silk dress or rent a tux. If it's an outdoor affair, there may be more leeway, but get details on the location, so you can come prepared (because it's isn't fun to be traipsing around in the sand in your stilettos!).

Don't Bring Mr. or Ms. Random If you're single, choose your date carefully. If it's someone you've only been out with once, it may not be the best idea (could be awkward for you, your date, and the newlyweds). Same if it's someone you recently "sort of" broke up with. Weddings are intimate affairs and bringing in a stranger should be done with thought. Let the bride or groom know if you decide to come alone so they can seat you with other fun "ones!" And as much as you may love your kiddos, don't take them if children aren't invited.

Don't Steal the Show Wedding ceremonies take all forms -- from religious to poetic, musical, or humorous. Whatever the vibe, let the bride and groom set the tone and follow their lead. If you're normally a loud, life-of-the-party type, bring it down a notch and let the wedding couple stand out. If you're a weeper, bring tissues and sit where you can sob without disturbing the I Do's. If the ceremony includes religious rituals, find out what you should do (or not do) ahead of time.

Don't Pig Out If food is serve-yourself, avoid the buffet line stampede and wait until the crowd dies down. Also, avoid going back for thirds. Take a break and save room for cake! Seconds might be okay, once you've seen that everyone has eaten. If the food is served sit-down, eat what is served without requesting substitutions or omissions, unless you have a food allergy. Otherwise, pick delicately or chow down, but don't gripe that you "don't like fish." Worse comes to worst, you can hit Burger King on the way home!

Don't Drag Out Skeletons If the bride blushes, it should be from pride, joy, or sheer love. Not because someone just stood up and told a humiliating story about the loser she dated in high school! Ingratiate yourself to the lady and her groom by avoiding any potentially embarrassing or juvenile behavior -- no bawdy jokes, no tales about their dating habits or exploits, no overdrinking, and no overly sexy dancing. Have fun, but don't have it at anyone else's expense.

Don't Stockpile Party Favors At the end of the night, as you're saying your thank-yous and farewells, avoid the urge to hog all the super-cool (or yummy) party favors! You don't need to take some for people who weren't able to attend. You don't need extras. Take one for yourself, unless someone in the wedding party urges you to do otherwise.

"Should I have a head table at my reception?"

A very common question I am asked by my brides lately, is if they should have a head table or not. My answer is it's completely up to you and your fiance; however, I personally like the idea of not having a head table. I have several reasons why...First, at a head table you limit your contact time with your guests and often times are only able to talk with the people sitting on either side of you during dinner. Second, there are actually some brides (and especially grooms) that don't really like being the center of attention and having everyone stare at them during dinner makes them feel slightly uncomfortable. Lastly, if your bridal party attendants are married or are bringing a date with them (which is the case the majority of the time), having a head table distances them from that other person and can be quite uncomfortable if their date doesn't know many guests at the wedding.

My advice is to either sit amongst your guests or have a 'sweetheart' table where just the two of you sit together. If you choose to sit amongst your guests, you can do this in a number of different ways...some brides and grooms choose to sit with just their maid of honor and her date and the best man and his date. Or, they choose to sit with their parents/grandparents and close relatives only. Whichever seating arrangement you opt for at your reception, I recommend that the seating chart be done at least 2 weeks prior to the wedding date so you have time to think about the best options for your situation.

D-I-Y Seating Cards

Our next segment in our DIY blog series is all about seating cards. Seating cards are extremely important to the reception as they provide each guest with an assigned seat for the evening. Believe it or not, guests actually appreciate seating cards. Often times guests can feel pressure about where they choose to sit if not given an assigned seat. Having seating cards allows you to place your guests at a table where they will feel most comfortable and will likely know most of the guests at their table. On a side note, seating cards are also an excellent way to continue with the theme or color scheme of your wedding.

First, let's discuss the proper etiquette when distributing seating cards:

• It's important that every guest receive their own seating card. Even couples who are married should receive separate cards.
  


• If you have someone that is bringing a date that you are not familiar with yet, writing 'and guest' is never acceptable for a seating or place card. Take the time to find out their name. It will make them feel more comfortable and appreciated.
  
  
• The most common way to distribute seating cards is to arrange them in alphabetical order on a separate table near the entrance of the reception. Often times, at more formal occasions, a host or usher is assigned to guide guests to their seats.
  


• Lastly, be sure to include a table number on each seating card to guide guests to their assigned table. Alternatively, place cards are placed at each guests seat and do NOT include a table number, as they are already "placed" in the assigned seat.

Next, let's discuss what goes into actually making seating cards:

• Once guests have RSVP'd and a seating chart is complete, you are ready to begin creating your seating cards! I recommend using a seating card template that can easily be run through your printer and then cut out afterwards. Or, if you choose to hand write guests names, a template and a ruler will ensure that your seating cards all look similar to one another.
  


• Many craft stores have numerous seating card templates to choose from, or you can do a web search and find them online. DIY Bride has wonderful wedding project templates that are free to download. Login is required for this site.
  
  
• Seating and place cards come in a variety of shapes and sizes. Everything from the traditional white seating cards to chocolate boxes to seating card trees, as seen below.

Here are some ideas to get you started:

Images courtesy of The Knot.

Ceremony Seating

I often get asked what the proper etiquette is for ceremony seating. Traditionally for Christian ceremonies, the bride's family & friends are seated on the left side (facing the altar) and the groom's family & friends are seated on the right. However, this is not always optimal if one person has a significant amount of guests compared to the other. As more and more people move around and relocate to other area's of the country, couples are having to think hard about where they will have their wedding. No matter how much thought goes into your wedding location, often times the city/state just isn't close by to both sides of families and all invited guests cannot always attend. For this reason, guest counts are rarely 50/50.

If this situation applies to you, relax! You are certainly not alone! Have your ushers sit guests on both sides - of course, parents, grandparents, and close relatives should always be seated on the proper sides in the first rows (these seats should be reserved for them only). However, once these seats have been filled, have your ushers escort guests to the best seats on either side. If certain guests are persistent about seating on a particular side, go ahead and let them. Chances are though, that most people will not care, just as long as they get a seat where they can actually see.

Additionally, immediate family (such as grandparents and parents) are seated right before the ceremony begins. This is often called the "Seating of the Grandparents" and "Seating of the Mothers". They are sat in the following order: Groom's Grandparents, Bride's Grandparents, Groom's parents, and lastly Bride's mother. The seating of the bride's mother signals that the ceremony is about to begin.